if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
