oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
