Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
