can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
