I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
