my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We need to get me chipped asap
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize