I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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