I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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