talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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