my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
