I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
