Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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