I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize