your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
