i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
