I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you guys were way drunker than both of me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
