I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Alive.
So much puke
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
