tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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