So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize