so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you inspire me to be a worse person
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
