hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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