Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
