I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
