see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
