I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize