I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
