So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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