Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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