On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She is in my trunk
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
