If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
