i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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