I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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