it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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