can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
