Walk of Shame. In a state park.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
