FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
