also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
