where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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