It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
