God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
