Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
