This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
