What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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