she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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