my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
