I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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