Jerry, you need to find god
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
