Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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