woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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