Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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