I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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