Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
