I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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