I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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