totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
