Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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