i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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