the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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