32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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