Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
