i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
