dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
