I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
