Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize