I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
