i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
