i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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