we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize