I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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