I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
