I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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