every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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