i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
