2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
