I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
