at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
