You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize