you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Sober January is a disaster.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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