i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
