Who did Billy Mays play for?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
