My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
