My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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