Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
