you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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