I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
