i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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