there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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