he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
