oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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