Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
